Compassionate Love in Christian Family

Dr (Fr) John Marius Manickanamparambil CMI had been serving as Forane Vicar, St Thomas Forane Church, Dharmaram, Bangalore for 3 years. In May 2005, Fr John Marius was transferred to the diocese of Rajkot for mission works.

Fr John Marius conducted the class on "Compassionate Love in Christian Family" over two days. His session was remarkable for the active involvement of the participants. At the end of the first class, Fr John Marius divided the class into several groups for discussions on the topic.

Introduction

Compassion is a human feeling that means "to suffer with" or "a fellowship in feeling."

We also use the word compassion or compassionate love to express an emotional feeling towards others.

Two similar terms are "sympathy" and "empathy". Sympathy is having a consideration or feeling for the sufferings of others. Empathy is more than sympathy, and involves "suffering with" others or "sharing" the pain of others.

The definitions apart, what does compassion mean to us? What does it do to us? Compassion is part of our integrated personality. It is that personal trait that makes us to be in another man's shoes. In other words, this quality helps us feel and experience a particular situation the same way as does the person who actually feels and experiences it. Now, isn't that a wonderful human quality?

Feeling compassion is accepting the person as he is, with his/her strengths and weaknesses. It is also a conscious awareness within us that we could also be in a similar situation sometime or another. How many times we exclaim, "It could well have happened to us!" Once we are permeated with this awareness, it takes expression either in words or actions. Still, sometimes compassion stems from the realization that we are fortunate to be better off than our suffering brethren.

A dynamic energy or force

Let us take compassion as an energy or force within us. This energy is not static but very dynamic. It has three distinct components or dimensions namely solidarity, consolation, and comfort.

1. Solidarity: Solidarity in this context refers to a deep realization within us that we are part of humanity, and that every one in this world, irrespective of caste, creed, color, age, or sex, becomes our brother or sister, no matter where they stay or what they do. This inner sense of solidarity takes us to a deeper bond with humanity.

   Once we have this sense of solidarity, we experience the joy of liberation and we will be able to recite with Thomas Merton, the famous writer who said: "Thank God that I am like other men, that I am only a man among others. It is a glorious destination to be a member of the same human race."

   What counts therefore is not just accepting that we are the same with others but desiring to participate in this human sameness, as fully and as deeply as possible.

2. Consolation: Once we forget the differences, we touch the second dimension or aspect of compassion namely consolation. Solidarity merely expresses the condition for compassion whereas consolation allows us to understand more of its inner dynamics. We are inclined to think that consolation means to cover up pains, a failure to deal with the core of the problem, and avoidance of the black spot in an issue. It is not so; consolation actually means the capacity to be beyond fears and anxieties that may keep us away from being together with the suffering one. When one has a sense of consolation, one overcomes all human fears and anxieties. Consolation requires no techniques to alleviate pain but the courage to share it in a creative way.
3. Comfort: Yet another aspect of compassion is comfort. Solidarity and consolation lead to us not to commiseration but to comfort. Comfort in Latin means "with strength". Comfort is finding new strength together. It is said: "Blessed are those who embrace each other in weakness because they shall find new strength and new beginning."

   In comfort, isolation is removed and there appears new space where two solitudes can greet each other. Comfort therefore is that great human talent that creates community. When a person in pain meets another one in the same situation and if they agree to strengthen each other, a new community is created. In that new community, new strength is found. Comfort does not mean that suffering or painful situation is removed. It only means that both persons find new energy to face the suffering situation squarely. When both persons confess to each other their weakness in openness and humility, they derive the strength for each other to comfort the real condition of life.

In our day-to-day family life, we encounter several instances where we can demonstrate these three aspects of compassion towards our own fellow family members.

Compassion Index
Compassionate Love in Family   Compassion in Scripture   Compassion & Spiritual Life

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